EngliSh Jokes

The Mink Coat
A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm.
"Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the
shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat.
As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up to the guy and discreetly
whispers,
"Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for
$65,000."
"No problem! I'll write you a check!"
"Very good, sir." says the shop owner.
"Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns.
The store owner is outraged: "How dare you
show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!"
"I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"

Half The Job
"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."
Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine, I'll take two."

Bowling Team
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker
bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time,
when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top,
she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road,
and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

Did you hear about the blonde that...
Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.
When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".
Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.
After losing in a breaststroke swimming competition,
complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.

Three duffers were out golfing with the club pro one day.
The first duffer teed off and hit a dribbler about 60 yards.
He turned to the pro and asked, "What did I do wrong?"
The pro replied, "Loft."
The next golfer teed off and duck hooked the ball into the woods. He asked the pro the same question.
The pro again answered, "Loft."
The third teed off and sliced into a pond. He too asked the pro, "What did I do wrong?"
Again, "Loft."
As they were walking down the fairway, the first duffer finally spoke up to the pro.
"All three of us hit completely different tee shots and yet when we asked you what
we did wrong, you gave the same exact answer every time. So what does Loft mean?"
The pro shook his head and said, "Lack of Friggin' Talent!"

Two Men were leaving church on a bright Sunday morning.
"You know," said the first friend, "I can always tell who the golfers are in church."
"How's that?" asked his friend.
"It's easy," he said. "Just look at who is praying with an interlocking grip."

I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.
Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal
excrement on your doorstep-is this a choice?